Blog | Sexcessful Men

Holiday Blues

On the latest episode of We Got Balls, Scott and Chris explore what makes the holidays so challenging for people with a history of trauma. They also chat about why Black Friday is one of the top acting out days of the year, why we dissociate and the myriad of ways we go about it, and how we can be kind to ourselves and set boundaries.

Derek

Nov 281 min read

IQ and Affect Dysregulation

In 6th grade, I recall a teacher having me stay after class because I couldn’t understand the math problem that the rest of the class had figured out how to solve. She showed me and showed me again, but I couldn’t repeat her process. At her wits end, she threw her hands up in frustration and said, “Well Derek, if you don’t understand it at this point I don’t know what to tell you.” She didn’t know that I was regularly visiting with Child Protective Services after school and

Derek

Nov 163 min read

I Don't Know What My Purpose Is

When it came time to choose a college major, I remember going through the entire catalog one-by-one looking for something that felt right or caught my eye. I was nearly in tears by the end, feeling that I had no purpose or interests. I often felt like others were born with talents or interests that led them naturally where they were supposed to go and I wasn’t. Feelings of aimlessness and meaninglessness are staple meals in the diet of a person who carries the wounds of traum

Derek

Nov 164 min read

Make Sense of Your Story With Adam Young

Listen in as Scott and Chris chat with Adam Young, host of The Place We Find Ourselves Podcast and author of Make Sense of Your Story: Why Engaging Your Past with Kindness Changes Everything. There is so much good to take away from this conversation. We hear Adam Young share his own story of how he was 35 years old before he was first confronted with the abuse he endured. We hear about why engaging our sexual brokenness and addiction without engaging our family or origin sto

Derek

Nov 1130 min read

I'm Ashamed of My Desire

In last week’s episode, Chris and Scott discussed the interplay of shame and desire. How desire arises, why it matters, what happens when shame entangles and corrupts desire, and the role that free will plays in our choices to act upon or resist a behavior. Desire is often talked about on WGB for good reason. Desire is what we long for, and what we long for is often buried underneath layers of wounds and pain that are manifested in our behaviors, which we confuse for our true

Derek

Nov 104 min read

Bro-Bating

Scott and Chris their most-watched (to date) We Got Balls podcast video by referencing a GQ article where Paul McCartney discusses masturbating with John Lennon and the rest of the Beatles. He describes it as “not a big thing,” and “good, harmless fun.” Does his reaction to masturbating with a group of other men surprise you? Shouldn’t he have been ashamed? Aren’t they both gay for doing that? With some research indicating that as high as 50% of men admit to participating in

Derek

Oct 294 min read

What Am I Feeling and Why Do I Feel This Way?

If you’ve ever been a part of one of Scott or Chris' coaching, groups or retreats, you’ve experienced checkins using the above affect continum tool. This graphic is a simplified visual representation of our autonomic nervous system (also known as the ANS). The ANS is part of our central nervous system, comprised of brain, spinal column, nerves and associated nerves. The role of ANS is to automatically govern the arousal states of our bodies, including our bodily sensations, o

Derek

Oct 286 min read

Communal Showers

It's hard not to feel alive listening to Scott's coming of age story in the video above with his male cousins, uncles, and dad. The rite of passage adventurousness, the feeling of complete acceptance as one of the guys, and the joy of feeling united as men. We're meant to feel that. The Goodness of Communal Showers Communal showers provide a powerful opportunity for men to connect. Being nude is vulnerable, and that shared vulnerability creates bonding. When we're exposed phy

Derek

Oct 272 min read

What is the Male G-spot?

The prostate is part of the male reproductive system and sits just below the bladder, surrounding the urethra. It produces prostate fluid, one of the main components of semen, and helps propel ejaculate during orgasm. Because it’s densely packed with nerve endings, stimulating it can generate intense sexual pleasure that some describe as deeper or more full-body than penile stimulation. How to Find the Male G-spot The prostate is located internally, between the base of the pe

Derek

Oct 275 min read