You're stuck. You've been struggling with a porn addiction and you're trying to keep it a secret while you defeat it on your own. You're a strong guy. You should be able to do this!
Every time you fall, you swear THIS TIME will be the last. So you read some recovery books, watch some YouTube videos on avoiding porn, join a Facebook group for accountability, maybe even go to a Bible study or group for a while and promise you'll do better. But it never works out.
And every time you fall you feel helpless, hopeless, worthless. Why fight any longer?
But there is hope and it starts by recognizing that porn is most likely not your problem, it's your solution. No, I'm not telling you to give in. I'm telling you porn or sexually acting out with others is your solution to your real problem...the shame you've always felt for never fitting in as one of the guys, the physical, emotional or sexual abuse you experienced as a little boy or teen. That nagging sense of futility and frustration with the life you have instead of the life you want.
However you got in this place of struggle, let us help you find the way out of addiction and into a thriving new life where you can face the good and the bad life has to throw at you with a joy and peace that your old habit can never offer.
Not Sure If You're Sexually Addicted?
Take the Sexual Addiction Screening Test. It's FREE and completely confidential.
the six types of sexual addiction
Our coaching program is developed around the Six Types of Sexual Addiction model, developed by Dr. Doug Weiss, one of the nations leading sexual addiction therapists. We help our clients recognize which of the addiction types make up their unique addiction mix then develop a recovery plan that will help you get and stay sober and build a new life where addiction gets pushed out by the power of a new affection and a new life filled with community, hope and unbreakable love.
Those of us struggling with trauma-based sexual addiction expereinced signifcant wounds to our sexuality as children or adolescents. Again, over 80 percent of sex addicts have experienced abuse, including sexual abuse. Our sexual fantasies and acting out become ways of trying to resolve the trauma on our terms instead of being sujbect to our abusers. We were victomized by others growing up and now we victimize ourselves.
5. MOOD DISORDER
About 30 percent of sex addicts struggle with some form of mood disorder as part of their addiction mix. Those of us with depression have chemical imbalances in the brain we are seeking to regulate with the sexual neurochemicals. Sexual release becomes a way to moderate moods and the brain chemical imbalances. But, the repetitive use of sex as medicine creates the dependence that leads to addiction.
6. INTIMACY ANOREXIA
About 30 percent of addicts fit a pattern of withholding love, affection, affirmation and intimacy from their significant other. Many of us who struggle with frequent relapses may have this addictive pattern as well, which leads to the continual sabotaging of the relationship and repetitive acting out. If you've been sober from acting out but things are still not improving with your spouse, addictive intimacy anorexia may be undermining your most important human relationship.
A biological sexual addiction develops with the use of excessive pornography and masturbation use. The repetitive reinforcing behavior and orgasm reward hijacks our sexual arousal template and responses to attaching to images and fantasy. We may experience challenges with relational sex. Most men have biological sexual addiction as a component of their unique addiction mix but according to Dr. Weiss, only about 15 percent are solely biologically based.
About 80 percent of those struggling with sexual addiction have experienced some form of emotional, physical or sexual abuse , abandonment or neglect prior to their 18th birthday. These family-of-origin wounds set us up for a lifetime of sexual struggle as we combine the messages desire and being wanted offered in sexual fantasy and porn with the sexual chemcial cocktail released in our brains as a drug to soothe our aiching souls.
Those of us struggling with a spritual-based form of sexual addiction are literally looking for God in all the wrong places. According to the Bible, God has set eternity in our hearts that we might search after Him. After all, if we have an infinite void in our hearts, then it can only be filled by an infinite thing...and the only infinite thing is God. When we try to fill this void in our hearts with finite, temporary things like sex, we're always going to be disappointed. And, the Apostle Paul says that dark evil forces are behind every idol. We wrestle not against flesh and blood.
SEXUAL ADDICTION RECOVERY COACHING SERVICES
Personalized for Where You Are and Where You Want to Go
We offer a flexible coaching model with modules designed to meet the needs of your unique background and current struggle.
For high-profile men like pastors or executives who need to work on their recovery in complete confidence, we'll provide a recovery program specifically tailored to your need to get and stay sober in complete confidentiality.
Weekly coaching sessions to help you develop a plan to get you headed in the right direction. Daily check-ins and on-call emergency access give you the support you need to make positive changes.
IRON MEN RECOVERY GROUPS
Get together weekly with other Christian men who know the struggle...online or in-person (Houston-only)...to build meaningful relationships, go through a recovery curriculum and learn to fight side-by-side with other men.
iron man band of brothers
As a smaller group drawn from your weekly Iron Man Recovery Group as well as other trusted partners that allow you to stay connected throughout your week and effectively fight the battles that crop up during your day.
Recommended Recovery Reads
These are some of the first books I read right before or after entering recovery. I highly recommend them. Reading good books is part of any man's successful recovery journey. Let's face it men, most of us want to expend the least amount of effort and get the most benefit. That's just plain laziness. Instead of doing the least you can do in recovery, adopt an "optimized thinking" strategy, doing the maximum you can do.
All testimonials are provided by actual coaching clients but the names and images have been changed to protect the individual's privacy.
Images of individuals are models and are not actual clients.
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ABOUT SEXCESSFUL MEN
I started Sexcessful Men because I wanted to take what I'd been doing on a volunteer basis and make it available to more men full-time. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and a recovered addict, I know what it's like to struggle.
I've experienced the joy that true heart-change can bring to my life and relationships. And, I know I didn't do it on my own. I had a band of brothers to fight by my side. I had a mentor who I could call on at any moment.
My recovery experience helped me find freedom from years of struggling in shame and silence and I want to make that available to as many Christian men as possible so they can not only experience freedom for themselves but turn around and help other men.
This is our mission...to free the captives and to train faithful men to train other faithful men. Satan is stronger than the individual man but he's not stronger than two men with Jesus in the middle. This is what we offer. This is our why.